Let’s face it: most men shop like they’re on a special forces mission: Get in, get the target, get out. For us, shopping isn’t a hobby. It’s a mission. We don’t “browse.” We “hunt.” We don’t compare. We conquer. And once we’ve found what works, we stick with it like duct tape on a leaky pipe.
We don’t need a dozen types of facial cleansers, night creams, or anti-aging serums. In fact, many of us are still unsure whether conditioner is something you eat or apply. Give us a sturdy bottle labeled shower gel, and we’re golden — as long as it smells vaguely like soap and makes us feel clean. Shampoo, body wash, car polish… if it lathers, it works.
Take shampoo, for example. I used to swear by Syoss. Big bottle, good value, lasted for ages. At first there were one or two variations. Perfect. Then came the avalanche. Suddenly, it’s a full-blown army of Syoss bottles invading the shelves, each one screaming something new: Keratin Power, Volume Lift, Men Clean Cool Max Ultra Turbo Extra Fresh. What? Even worse, my go-to version is either sold out or just gone, as if it never existed. I could scream. Or cry. Or both, if I had the emotional bandwidth, which I don’t. I’m still busy trying to decipher which f***ing bottle is the least annoying.
It’s not that we’re completely indifferent. We do have standards. Once we find that perfect product: The shower gel that doesn’t smell like a fruit salad, the razor that doesn’t leave your face looking like a crime scene, or the deodorant that doesn’t trigger a coughing fit, we’re loyal. Like, golden retriever loyal. Until, of course, someone at corporate HQ decides to ruin our lives.
Because here’s the catch: men’s loyalty is no match for supermarket chaos. Move our product to another aisle and watch us unravel like a loose thread on a bargain sweater. Suddenly, we’re wandering around the store with a look of despair, scanning every shelf like we’re disarming a bomb.
Worse yet? Discontinuation. The ultimate betrayal.
Take, for instance, my beloved M-Budget kitchen paper, the mega-rolls from Migros. lasting for months, the pride of my kitchen. And then… gone. Just gone. Poof! Vanished into the cruel void of “discontinued items.” Have you ever tried replacing the perfect kitchen roll? It’s a paper-based tragedy.
Or consider the case of Borotalco. Once a no-nonsense deodorant in a classic white bottle with a green cap. Perfect. Reliable. Cheap. Then suddenly: New versions! New formulas! A whole “for Men” line that no one asked for. Now I’m standing in front of a wall of chaos going from sport, fresh, invisible, ninja-mode… who knows? Why? I didn’t ask for options. I’m just trying to find the original, which has been hidden somewhere between the unicorn-scented body sprays and charcoal-infused mystery gels, or temporarily unavailable, or acrificed to the gods of product marketing. I didn’t come here for an identity crisis — I just want to smell neutral and not sweat through my shirt. I asked for the same damn thing I always buy.
Here’s a revolutionary idea for the product designers and supermarket layout masterminds of the world: leave men’s stuff alone. One product, one spot, forever. We’re not asking for much. Just a little consistency in an already chaotic world.
Ladies, enjoy your scented journeys through lavender-coconut-fusion-whatever. But for us guys, keep it simple. We’re not made for shopping adventures, we’re made for surgical strikes. And for the love of all that is practical: stop fixing things that aren’t broken. We already found the perfect deodorant. We don’t want 14 more.
Like always: Just my 5 cents.
//Alex
alexreusch 